Happy Free Thoughts Thursday, people.

I hope you're enjoying your week so far as we make our way into the middle of May.

Let's get into it.

3 Things I’ve Learned:

1. More bystanders = less calls for help.

As the number of people present in a social situation increases, the likelihood that someone will step in when help is needed decreases.

This is likely because 1) people tend to value being the same more than they value being (or acting) right and 2) each individual assumes that they don't need to step in because someone else will.

This is why students who learn CPR are taught that they must assign one bystander to alert authorities; if they don't, it's likely no one will.

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2. Sometimes less is better.

In a famous study on cognitive dissonance, people who were paid $1 to do a boring task reported enjoying it much more than people who were paid $20 to do the same task.

When people are poorly compensated for doing boring work they are more likely to convince themselves that the task is more enjoyable than it is, therefore reducing cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive Dissonance refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs or behaviors.

In the above example, participants were performing a task (behavior) even though they thought it was boring (attitude).

$20 was enough to justify their boredom but $1 wasn't, so those paid $1 convinced themselves the task was less boring than it really was.

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3. Giving is good for longevity.

A study of elderly married couples showed that individuals who reported giving more help and support to others (spouses, friends, relatives) went on to live longer than those who gave less—even after controlling for health at the beginning of the study.

On the other hand, individuals who reported receiving more help and support showed no difference in longevity.

Giving > receiving.

And not just for the elderly!

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2 Questions for You:

1. What advice do you give others that you'd benefit from listening to yourself?
2. What do you value more: happiness or peace?

1 Quote:

“In a conflict, look at the world from your opponent's point of view, and you'll see that she is not entirely crazy."—Jonathan Haidt

I've been talking to one of my coaching clients about an idea that I think is really powerful.

There's more than one way to think about it but I'll do my best to share the version I find most applicable to everyone below.

There are two ways to get what you want:

1. Move yourself closer to what you desire.
2. Move what you desire closer to yourself.

Generally, moving closer to what you desire requires physical effort and moving what you desire closer to yourself requires mental effort.

If you want a six pack, you have to exercise and eat healthy. This would be an example of moving yourself closer to what you desire by exerting physical effort.

But why do you want a six pack to begin with?

Presumably because you want to feel good about the way you look and you think getting a six pack will be the answer.

But according to the theory of hedonic adaptation, once you get a six pack you'll still want to be more defined, or you'll realize that actually once you get bigger arms then you'll feel good about the way you look.

The point is that the goalpost always moves. So when you chase after something you desire, you'll reach it and then be onto the next thing.

On the other hand, if you want to feel good about the way you look you can work hard on positive self-talk, avoid comparing yourself to others and focus on everything you're grateful for about your body & health. This would be an example of moving what you desire closer to yourself by exerting mental effort (aka changing your attitude).

This approach is powerful because unlike the goalposts in the previous approach, you never move. Your attitude stays with you.

Plus, you can start getting what you want right now, right where you are, without having to go forward into the future or backward into the past.

This does NOT mean you become complacent.

It means that you can be happy with where you are and also want to get better.

Probably going to make a video about this because there's a lot to cover.

See ya next week.

Live your life to the fullest,

Chris

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