Happy Free Thoughts Thursday, people.

I'm posting a video about this topic on Sunday.

Quick reminder that I provide 1-on-1 Life & Mindset Coaching and you can apply here.

Let's get into it.

1 Thought From Me:

jeal·ous [jel-uhs]

adjective

1. feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc. (often followed by of)

Jealousy can be ugly.

And while it's often discussed in the context of intimate relationships, it can also appear in our relationships with our friends and family.

I used to struggle with it in both contexts, so I spent a lot of time figuring out why that was the case and how I could put an end to it.

The time I've spent has paid off, and while I'm not rid of jealousy altogether, I certainly don't struggle with it like I used to.

There are several ideas I've internalized over the course of a few years that have helped me make progress and I'm going to lay them out below.

But first, why do we experience jealousy to begin with?

Jealousy is the product of two things:

1. Comparison
2. Insecurity

I like to think about jealousy as a destination, comparison as a car and insecurity as the fuel.

If we try to drive our car without fuel then we won't reach our destination. And if we have fuel but we don't drive our car then we won't reach our destination.

In the same way, if we compare ourselves to others and we have no insecurities then we won't feel jealous. And if we have insecurities but we don't compare ourselves to others then we won't feel jealous.

Jealousy cannot exist without both comparison and insecurity.

The best way to overcome jealousy is to stop comparing ourselves to others and to work on our insecurities. (In other words, focus on ourselves.)

I know those two things are easier said than done. And maybe we can't eliminate either one entirely. But we can try, right?

Here are several ideas that helped me:

1. Let go of the scarcity mindset

The scarcity mindset is a belief that if someone else has something then that means there's less of that thing for us.

This can be money, attention, success, fiancés, good looks, etc.

I'm convinced this belief is rooted deep in our subconscious because we don't typically think about scarcity explicitly.

But there's no doubt that we're less likely to feel jealous and more likely to feel happy for others when we remind ourselves that there's plenty of money, attention, success, fiancés, good looks, etc. to go around.

2. Consider the full picture

We tend to compare our whole lives (the good and the bad) to only part of others (just the good).

And because of our bias towards negativity and peoples' ability to share the good things and hide everything else, we end up, as Steven Furtick puts it, "comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel."

Remember that everyone has their own shit... whether we see it or not.

3. Practice gratitude

We spend so much time feeling jealous of what everyone else has that we forget about the fact that there are millions (honestly maybe billions) of people who would give anything to take our place.

This isn't about comparison, it's about remembering how lucky we are to have what we have and be where we are.

We shouldn't let other peoples' lives cause us to take ours for granted.

4. Help other people achieve their goals

This serves two purposes:

1. It helps us gain perspective, because it reminds us that other peoples' journeys look more similar to ours than social media or one off events lead us to believe... we're seeing their "behind the scenes" which makes comparison (should it come up) less painful
2. It gives us a sense of purpose and helps us feel like we are contributing to others, which I believe is one of the best ways to erode insecurities and accept ourselves for who we are.

5. Let it guide you

As with all negative emotions, jealousy is trying to tell us something.

Regrets tell us what we value. Anxiety tells us what action to take.

Jealousy tells us what we're insecure about.

And that's incredibly helpful.

There's nothing worse than feeling ambiguously insecure. When that happens, we get all of the discomfort with none of the direction.

Jealousy provides direction—it tells us what we need to improve or accept about ourselves to become the kind of person we want to be.

The more we work on becoming that person, the less we'll have to worry about jealousy.

Live your life to the fullest,

Chris

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